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Friday, 13 June 2014

Top 11 Most Idiotic Darwin Awards

"In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival."

Charles Darwin Portrait
Charles Darwin
This pretty much sums up what the Darwin Awards are. In order to qualify for the award you have to be either dead or lost the ability to reproduce. Thus helping the human gene pool, by removing your idiotic self and help the species. It sounds kind of cruel, but when you read the examples, you'll understand why the authors created the awards.

In order to get published, the deeds have to be incredibly idiotic. It has to be humorous and to be true. Every nomination is verified before entering. Some are nominated as fiction, because there are no eyewitnesses or no news reports. Still, they are amusing, so they deserve a bit of attention. Also, nominees have to be mentally stable.

There are tons of awards you can read on the internet, because the project started back in 1993. But these are the top 9 best Darwin Awards, according to dGeneralist:

1. Train of Thought

A Russian citizen by the name of E Frenkel (which doesn't sound very Russiany) had the unique ability to stop moving bicycles and cars only using his mind. Or at least he was very convinced he had those powers. The idea that the drivers stopped by pushing the breaks when they saw a crazy guy in front of them on the street never occurred to Frenkel.

One day this mentalist decided to prove others wrong and do the biggest achievement in his life - stop a train. Since trains can't stop as fast as cars and bikes, Frenkel is now listed in the Darwin Awards.

2. Lava Lamp

Philip Quinn would have learned a valuable lesson in patience, if he didn't die. Philip bought a Lava Lamp, because they are cool and very stylish even 40 years after the 70's. But he had a regular bulb to heat up the entire lamp. Mr. Quinn wasn't a patient man, so he decided to use his ingenuity and put the Lava Lamp on the stove.

different lava lamps
Lava lava lava lava

He probably didn't know that when you heat something, it expands. He had to learn it the hard way. The lamp exploded and a huge glass shrapnel penetrated his chest. He died of blood loss.

3. Russian Roulette

The typical game of Russian Roulette (this family friendly game) is played with a revolver. There is one bullet in the chamber, you turn it and if you are lucky, you live. But a innovative man from Houston decided to participate in this sport, using a .45 calibre semi-automatic pistol. I don't need to explain to you, why this did not work, because you are not idiots. But he was.

4. Sink Drowning

This is the one I laughed most. A landlord found one of his tenants sticking out of the window. But he saw only his legs. When he made a deeper inspection, it turned out the tenant was dead.

The tenant's head was in the sink. It turned out he was quite drunk and drugged. When he couldn't find the keys for his front door, he decided to enter through the kitchen's window. But he got stuck. And while trying to escape he turned on the hot water. So, his head was in the sink and it was slowly filling with hot water. He was too drunk to turn it off. And that's how he drowned.

The funny part is, the keys were in his front pocket.

5. Spy vs Self

A man called Fabio is the main hero. Even though his name is very fabulous, he was an ordinary ostrich farmer, later a truck driver. But Fabio had dreams and different interests. He was very keen on spy gadgets.

Fabio Lanzoni being fabulous
This is another Fabio
So one evening, he decided to share his passion with a few buddies. He showed them a pen. But it wasn't an ordinary pen. No, it was a super spy mini pistol. No demonstrate this gadget, he pointed it to his head and pulled the trigger... or pushed the button. It worked fine. So Fabio received a .22 calibre bullet hole in his left occipital lobe.

6. Bees vs Humans 

This is a brilliant example of human stupidity. A farmer from Brazil had a big beehive on one of his orange trees. He didn't have any experience in this sphere, but his intuition told him he needed to burn the hive and he had to do it using protection. So he put a plastic bag on his head for protection and grabbed a torch to banish the bees.

A few hours later his wife found him dead on the ground. It wasn't allergies or multiple bee stings. He simply suffocated from the plastic bag. I guess he overprotected himself.

7. Wrong and Wronger

Ukraine, like Russia, is popular with short-fused people.

So, the city deputy was walking his dog. He met a Police Academy cadet, who was walking two girls to their homes (that young playboy). The young cadet pointed out that the deputy's dog shouldn't be walking without a muzzle and a lead. You can imagine how a deputy would react when a snotty cadet tells him what to do.

After a few bad words, the deputy pulled out a RGD-5 hand grenade and threw it towards the cadet. But his trained dog decided to show his fetching skills and got the grenade back. So the deputy and his dog went boom. I feel sorry for the doggy.

8. Library Return

A few college freshmen decided to do something extreme. They found a laundry chute in a vacant library. We've all seen how fun this could be in movies, so why not try it? But why would a library have a laundry chute?

Devil Laundry Chute

It was actually a garbage chute which lead to an automatic trash compactor. It was probably big fun until the moment where the big machine crushes you. Only one kid died.

9. Border Crossing

Another story connected to Ukraine. The border between Ukraine and Hungary is equipped with more than just metal detectors. The borders have Geiger-Muller detectors, which detect radioactive materials. Probably they had a lot of cases of people smuggling uranium, or something.

One day an odd looking fellow with a backpack arrived at the border. He looked a bit drunk, but that's a regular look for Ukrainians. After he passed the Geiger-Muller detector, people started running out of shock. The stats were really high and probably people would start melting any minute now.

After the proper military team came to inspect, they found the man dead on the ground. There was a hole in his stomach. Turned out the trespasser had injected a piece of radioactive substance to his body. And just on the other side of the border, they found an open nuclear waste canister. So if he hadn't removed the item from the canister, he would still be alive, and probably the detectors wouldn't even detect the material.

10. Aim to Win

A young engineer student called Ameer had a spitting contest with his buddies. They were in their 11th floor apartment, so it was the perfect idea. Everyone else have already made their shot, so it was Ameer's turn.

engineer bike

He is an engineer student, so he knows how things work and how to beat the odds. The only logical way to win is to run and spit, instead of simply standing. It's physics after all. So he ran, and he ran, and then he flew over the railing, and hit the ground. We are not sure if he won or not.

11. Stepping Out

We all know the world's fastest man is Usain Bolt. His average speed is around 23.35 mph (37 kmh). And that's a record time, which not everyone can achieve. Obviously, only he can do it.

But a young guy from the Netherlands didn't know this. So he decided to show off infront of his friends. He put his car on cruise control at 20 mph. The idea is to get out of the car and run alongside it, then return safely inside. But the plan didn't work quite well. The minute he stepped out, he fell and slammed his face into the ground. Imagine Prince Oberyn after he fought the Mountain.

He was taken to the hospital, but died shortly after that.

We decided to keep the original titles of the stories, so you can find them in the Darwin Awards official website. Which is mentioned in the first paragraph.